current music: Wala, pero nasa isip ko pa rin ang "99 Problems"

I still wish Jay-Z won Best Video. It's the only Jay-Z song I really liked. But fine, mas boto ko naman ang Outkast.

Although I play 99 Problems more often now. Perfect stress relief, especially with the loud guitars blasting with rage. Sarap.

For once, my blogger is working. I've been quiet for the past few days. I hated it. I can't quite put anything decent on, primarily because the cookie settings of Blogger don't allow me that much freedom to keep writing and writing over long periods of time.

In any case, I'm still going to write; just not here as much as I used to (which clocked at least eight posts a week, skipping one day). Now, I'm more often found at my Livejournal account, but even that one I don't keep as much. Those who know it, please keep it a secret.

Meantimes, I've got an hour before the A-Days meeting starts. I've got to get lunch, and maybe sneak in some library time to look for good books. (Books are pretty expensive these days, no?)

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Di na magiging participant si Tine. Tsk.

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One thing I HATE doing: I hate admitting I'm "a struggling writer". Struggle to get things to be good, yeah, I guess I'm that. But I know when and where I can define struggle. I've really drowned myself in my inabillities from the span of 4th year high and throughout 2nd year. YON ang struggle: walang maisulat, walang matinong maisip, and yet people still remember you as having a desire (and maybe, just maybe a gift) with the pen.

I hated those days, and I fear they're coming back.

I'm learning, yes. I fancy myself as a fast learner. But no matter how fast I think I learn, I've still got A LOOOOONG way to go.

And it doesn't help that I'm always forced to do things on my own. Since birth, and with the exception of some anomalies here and there, I've had to shoulder, solider on. I hate it.

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I'm still kind of upset, and I can't get it out via catharsis. I don't understand, but I don't think I'll need to. I'm just going to try live with it, and put the long-term hopes out of my mind for a while.

I'll still force myself to put down words, but I guess I won't need to be in such a hurry to get the good right away. Slowly, maybe, is what I should go for. I've got much to learn, much to live anyway.

(It's just that when you're overweight and prone to disease and lives in a family of cancer, diabetes, asthma among other things, you can't help but you won't live very long, no matter how hard you work our, no matter how hard you try.)

Maybe shutting myself out with work is all I need. Yeah. Work. Lots and lots of it.