current music: I'm Housin' - Rage Against the Machine

Shucks. This blog's starting to gather molds and dirt, figuratively. I suppose it's high time I start updating.

As of today, it's Saturday and my parents have left the city for a retreat. Meantime, I've got a meeting in Ateneo later at around 1 PM, for a focus-group discussion (FGD) regarding Days retreats! How's that for coincidence? My brother and sister are still upstairs, and judging from the fact that I can't hear the TV or stereo working upstairs, they must still be asleep.

I've thought about this meeting. A-Days, for over a year now, has become a very sacred commitment to me. But I wonder, if I should really keep at it, and for how much longer?

Since December, every batch I've staffed in featured me getting sick, be it asthma or a fever, or stomach flu or a combination of all three (Payatas batch survivor!). When I return, I'm dead tired and I often don't have enough energy to go through my normal routines, unlike when I started staffing a year ago. My father, being a doctor, has advised me to take it slow, but that's easier said than done; I've often been assigned for tasks that take me awake late into nights, and need me to carry heavy things. (ie: Housing, like my current music says)

I used to be able to attend all the meetings and was one of the most up-to-date on all operations of the impending retreats. Now, I barely arrive on time for them, and in the retreats themselves, I have trouble being efficient, mostly because of my illnesses. High blood pressure sucks.

And yet, there's still stuff I hope to achieve: staff for another year, sponsor my siblings and/or friends, rector my own batch, do housing again, head the music crew... (I'm laughing at myself in my head at these wishful thoughts!)

It doesn't look any easier for the next few months: I'm directing Jihan's play, I'm preparing my practicum, I'm struggling to make those homeworks for History and Art Writing, I'm trying to write more poems for that thesis with Sir DM, and I'm barely passing in two subjects. I credit my bad time management for these fiascos (jogging with Jihan, lunches out with the girls, etc), but I also know that anything more on my plate will be the end of me.

(Hell, time is so scarce, the worst thing that can happen to me is to fall in love, I tell you.)

What's more, if I do take that LAE, I'd be far, far more stressed juggling everything. And if I pass? That's when the shit hits the fan; I think I may indeed be forced to stop.

So do I give up A-Days? Lord knows I don't want to. Even if the world seems like its conspiring to try and stop me.