Seven Candles


I lit seven candles at church today
and laid them out in a little row,
tiny lights burning single file
and silently recited seven Hail Marys for you.

But if you were here, you'd say
don't believe in that stuff
like you'd say it's just bread, it's just wine
or how Mary was a girl, not divine
how I'd look at my hands ,
I'd say "map," you'd say "lines",
how I'd shuffle cards,
I'd say "path", you'd roll eyes and sigh.

It's the river, this faith, this soft wave,
the Holy Ghost and its Holy See,
that sails me slowly out to sea and so
you say
I'm but fish not good enough to pull a net up and catch
because of kind of water I breathe in, believe in.

Or was it you
who wanted
to lift her hands
and soar away upwards
to places I can't reach, with song I can't hear,
and unfit to sing?

All I know is I lit seven candles,
and sang in me a small hymn
watching them burn slow,
tiny stars that might lead you back to me.


current music: Get Here - as sung by Camil Labog

Sige, Kwentuhan Tayo (Cross-posted on LJ, Mutliply and Facebook)

1.) A-DAYS IS NEAR!

I just had to say that. The next batch for A-Days with the Lord is upon us! Text/message me if you want to join the next retreat, whether as a first-time participant or a returning Dayzer looking to join in. My cell is 0918-3744274!

I always look forward to these. They're the recharge I always seem to need, no matter how hard things get.

OH YEAH! We're also looking for people to donate money to our community! Dayzers who pledge up to PhP 300 get a complimentary CD as our way of saying "Thank you!". :D

(And believe me, there are some songs there that are performed just flat-out outstandingly. Yes, I'm talking about you, Waps San Diego. And you, Carlo Santos. And you, Camil Labog, and Kyla Rivera, and Nikki Danao. Yeah, all of the both of you.)



2.) I'VE GOT A JOB NOW!

I got picked up by a company with an office along Ayala Ave (not telling you which). I write articles that you'll probably never read. They just help our clients get found on Google.

I promised myself that I've had enough of writing that does not feature my by-line. However, times are tricky. I've had to take the job just to stem the tide of me borrowing money from my family. Yeah. It got pretty bad there.

The job itself is a bit slow. (I'm writing in the office now because I'm almost done! 200 words left!) I sit. I write. I crack jokes with the teammates, who are fun to hang out with. The bosses are nice. I find food downstairs at luch, and I leave at 6pm when we are done.

What I never realized was a special fringe benefit of the job was Makati itself. I used to hate Makati and how hard it was to drive to anywhere and park. Now? I ADORE it. I love walking around Ayala Ave. on my way to work, and I love it even more on my way home. It's an amazing wash of activity and people, with so many places I could seek out and explore. I hadn't felt like that since I walked around Quiapo on my own for the first time (which I want to do again someday!).

Fine, fine. I'll get sick of the smoke and the crowds and the mean faces in the crowds, and the brutal queues at the MRT, and the buses that honk too loud.

But not yet.



3.) I'm caught in between two best friends.

Well, I don't know if they're even friends anymore. They've been at odds for a while now. And they're still both my friends. And I love them both (though maybe one, I love more. hehe)

Let's just say I'm not fond of balancing being friends to both. And it bothers me too that they act like the other doesn't exist. It hurts, considering how one has always been there for me, and how the other is the one who's around for me when I need someone and badly.

It's like having an eye to my past and another to my future. And I'm stuck with today, where they're not ever gonna meet.

And now, they're dead to each other, and I don't know if it's really my job to help them reconnect. I have a funny feeling if I brought them together, they'll either hate me or love me, and I don't think I can afford to lose BOTH of them. They're that hurt.

What do you guys do? Ever been in a similar bind? How'd you gets get there? (PM if you're shy.)



4.) BIRTHDAY PARTY NI MAY BUKAS!

What'll I wear? What'll I wear? It's only the first time I've ever tried to make it to her parties. :D
(Oh wait, you weren't told? Well TOO BAD. :p)



5.) I realized I'm drawn to people who need me. And I never hold anything back for them.

Because maybe, someday, they'll be there if I come to need them so badly too. And maybe they'll give me all they got too.


6.) My current mood might just be summed up simply with:

I don't want excuses
I don't want your smiles
I don't want to feel like we're apart a thousand miles

I don't want your attitude
I don't want your things
But I don't want a phone that never rings

I want your love and I want it now

I want your love and I want it now

Good night Metro Manila (and beyond) ! Sa susunod!

current music: silence, but I hear "Whenever, Wherever, Whatever" in my head



We are at Manila, and nobody in my house knows I'm with her. We are parked in front of the bank. She's reclined her seat, and is trying to sleep, recharging her batteries for an interview in an hour. I'm writing this draining my laptop's battery. I kill the radio so I don't drain the car's battery. And I'm already trying my best to weather the next battery of the various tasks and errands we do as "constant companions".

It has been two weeks since she asked me to stop courting her. She told me that this wasn't what she wanted. I was saddened; I realized that I did something wrong, or I got too emotional, or I lost sight of what she wanted, how she felt, how unsure she may have been about it all. She said that there are things her life must take care of first - a job, moving out, a life away from our homeland. She said she feels how I care for her, but she can't have a boyfriend - she feels her life can't afford to be smothered by another's. Not now.

She's curled to the side, her breasts heaving high and low at her breath, and they are so beautiful. She's so beautiful when she sleeps. I want to curl up close, hold her near me and chase her down the footpath of dream and sleep, to kiss her lips and take in her breath's scent.

But there's just no room; this is a small car, and she can barely find a comfortable position for herself. What more with me in the picture?

I still love her, though. Always.