current music: God Only Knows - The Beach Boys

Of the many mysteries of the universe, the one thing I can't really fully accept is the idea that some things are "meant to be" or "not meant to be". I always believed it to be bullshit. How can we fully say that some things are 'fated' not to work out? Who are we to discern that God's playing with us and our lives?

Already it's a very Christian belief that we are free, that God doesn't tinker with our lives, that we get to do things because God lets us do things, and respects us to make our own mistakes. That, to me, is extremely reassuring. It tells me that as all-powerful He is, we're not his chess pieces. We're his friends. And you never force yourself on your friends.

So in my head, I don't really say that I believe some things are "fated" to be the way they are. I will not accept an explanation when people say "wala, it's not meant to be". Maybe the timing wasn't right, maybe something hit a snag somewhere, maybe we overlooked a slight detail. Those ideas, those rationalizations, I'll accept. It tells me that somehow, we're very limited in our powers.

Right now, I'm thinking like this because, well, I don't know how I can explain why I'm unusually unlucky, in many mournfully personal aspects that I can't figure out reasons for. I've a history of not having explanations, and not really being able to articulate explanations for myself.

I can't explain why I'm dying to be with you, when I don't believe in destiny, but I feel utterly destined for you.