current music: Waiting in Vain - Annie Lennox (yeah. some songs never get old.)

Apparently, my Mozilla Firefox browser has been afflicted with some kind of adware software. I hate it. I thought I got away from all those spammers when I switched to Firefox from IE. Fucking shit, I hate having to lose about half of what I type on a webpage because it auto-switches the browser on me!

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Meantime, LARAWAN, our fine arts festival is almost over. Unfortunately, my individual project has NOT been accomplished. I'm in deep shit. Unless I come up with a miracle somewhere today.

I'm tired. I've been acting for Jomike's play, "Lilia's Nest", and I've also been directing another play, "Kung Paano Maglakbay sa Penny Lane". Real quality stuff, I wish more people could see it. Because whenever we stage and there are few people, the energy just seems to droop in horrid fashion. Urgh.

Then again, it's because I help out these two productions that I don't have an Indiv Project. Shit.

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I also have finally written a love poem. Yeah. I just submitted it to Sir DM Reyes today. And I hope he'll have it workshopped somewhere along the way. Because it's quickly becoming my best work EVER. At least, so my peers think. Funny though; I can never write a love poem with a happy ending.

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I realized something.

You know that thing they say about stars? How, when you make a wish on the very first one you see in the sky, you make a wish? Yeah, the Pinocchio story kind of thing. The "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, grant the wish I make tonight" kind of thing?

I discovered that when I make those wishes, they come true... even if it's not exactly in the way I wanted them to be.

1.) I was in Kaingin and wished Aila would stay on. Alangan kasi siya noon. And I had a crush on her, so I hoped she'd stick around so I could stil lsee her. So I made the wish. Guess what? Years later, she's the president. Me? I ended up quitting mid-way through second year due to academic constraints.

2.) A year ago, Criselda was in terrible form; she had an awful spat with her boyfriend (who, in general view, was a jerk to her). As much as I liked her and wanted to have been her guy someday, I made a wish on a star that whatever happens, she'll be happy. And she is. And they're back together, by the way. And I'm still single. Haha.

3.) In sophomore year, I wished I could be published in Heights, kahit isang tula lang. Fast-forward to senior year, and "Dissection" made it to the pages of Vol. LIII, Issue #1.

4.) I made a wish that a certain girl whom I met in OrSem back in 2nd year would never trouble me again. And yeah. She doesn't trouble me. Because I don't talk to that bitch anymore. Heck, I imagined she'd become quite the campus crush, but I don't really hear much about how she's doing. Oh well. Sayang ka, Joan. Good riddance to you.

5.) I made a wish a year ago that the merry-go-round squabble that I had to sit in between Patch, Tish and Timo would stop, and that they'd all be friends, and they'd all get along well. And I'm happy to say that each of the three are very happily invovled with other guys and girl apiece. And they're friends. Well, not REALLY close friends, but they're okay. I'm glad.

6.) It seemed unlikely, but I made a wish I'd get over Absky. And that she'd also be fine, wherever life woud tak her. And it took a while, but yeah. I heard she's happily un-single again, and she's doing well with her stuff in YFC and in school. And yeah. Life took her far, far away from me. And I feel it: she's gone from that place she used to sit in my thoughts and feelings.

7.) I made a wish after my OrSem that I could be a TnT. That wish came true one year later. And what a ride it was!

8.) I made a wish that I could be close to my family again. Yeah. :)

9.) I made a wish that I could be there for Den, particularly in those really tough stretches of weeks whenever her husband would be cranky, or violent, or sick or whatever the hell would go wrong. Oddly enough, she's managed fine without me, but she always says I do give her that emotional support. And for that, I'm glad.

10.) I made a wish on a star for dear friend Britney, este, Julian. He was one of my friends who had been... er, I dunno. Wasn't too well-recieved by the people he looked up to. So I wished he'd find himself a better niche somehow. And now, he's no longer in Ateneo, but he's happy. And he's in good company. And for that, I felt very happy.

11.) I remember after graduating from high school, one scene was when a friend of mine, Ailyn, was crying because she felt she lost a chance to grow closer to this best friend of hers whom she loved so, so much. And I told her it would all be okay. And I made a wish that I would be right, somehow. Now, she's four years wiser and one boyfriend happier (even if it's somebody else now, hehehe).

12.) I made a wish for my friends James, Lopao, Emong and Tasyo, friends of mine I tagged mentally as "Pisay's most eligible" and that they'd be "off the market" so I could move around! Because it was so hard getting around with them still single! They're all now happily settled too. Of course, it didn't really help my own social life, but who cares. Si Julius at si Fritz na lang yung kulang. Hehehe.

13.) I made a wish for Leslie. Because she was my first inspiration. And I really liked her. And she didn't like me back. Haha. She drove me to start writing, and while I acknowledge that it was because of her that I am now in the path I'm walking to this day, I wished then that I wouldn't regret this choice I've made on account of somebody else. Well, I'm almost a Creative Writing grad, and I hard-pressed to pick any other place I'd rather be, really.

14.) When I gave Leslie roses on her birthday, the only wish I made was that she'd like them. She liked the flowers. Even if she never did like me. Hehehehe.

15.) I had a dream about me meeting a really beautiful girl. I didn't know who she was, and when I woke up, I didn't know why I had that dream. I never believed I'd ever meet her. But I did. And I'm glad. And we're great friends.

I dunno. I dunno. Each of the times, I never really made a serious effort to try and make them real for myself. Heck, even the TnT thing didn't feel TOO hard; it came naturally somehow (even if in real life I'm very quiet, a trait unbecoming of a TnT). That is, except for getting published in Heights, but that one wasn't too much effort either: I sent in the poem and said to myself "Whatever! If this doesn't work I'm giving up this poetry shit, dammit! Wala namang may gusto ng sinusulat ko!" And voila!

I also notice that my wishes hardly revolve 100% on myself; that they all do good for somebody else other than me, and they're the ones most likely to be granted.

I can't recall all the wishes I made; some of them I made because I deep-down wanted something ELSE. Like how I hoped Crisel would be with me. But I said "I wish she would be happy." And it worked like that. Odds are, I've made a wish for you, dear readers, but I don't remember it, when it was made, and what terms.

Funny how, these choices I make, which are based on other people, all seemed to pan out, even if I myself don't quite get much back. But that was never the point.