current music: Dear Mama - 2pac

Ateneo Checklist
From Momm Tam, Kaia and Patch.

(X) eat at Manang’s
(X) learn the alma mater
(X) get on the dean’s list
(X) sleep on a bench
(X) be a TNT!
(X) jog around the campus in the evening (and morning!)
(X) visit the art gallery
(X) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name (Ate Alma, Mang Boyet)
(X) get a Jesuit for a teacher (Fr. Dacanay and Fr. David and Fr. Giordano)
( ) itch from higad bites
(X) have gotten an F in something
(X) have taken a crap in school
(X) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game
(X) give a powerpoint presentation
(X) study in the caf upstairs
(X) watch a T.A play
(X) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars
(X) eat in Full House, Martha’s Kitchen, and Ken Afford (buha pa yung MK noon!)
(X) sleep in the lib
( ) visit Mr. San Andres
(X) go to the chapel
(X) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad
(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie (with friends!)
(X) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers: Ferriols, Dacanay, David, Manacsa, Ang, Escaler, Arcilla, Totanes, and many others
( ) go to CERSA night
( ) have tried siomai rice
( ) learn how to smoke
(X) fall in love
(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib
(X) play cards during your free time (hahaha!)
(X) dress in business attire
(X) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight
(X) have gotten side comments from ASSOC
( ) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes
(X) go to your immersion
(X) eat Food for Thought sandwiches
( ) get a boyfriend/girlfriend
(X) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors
( ) watch “Minsan Lang Sila Bata” and “Macho Dancer” for class
(X) do a last minute paper (like 2 hours before it’s due)
(X) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures (for index cards and teachers’ seat plans)
(X) get exempted from final exams
(X) attend a college mass
( ) promise to quit smoking
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest (hey! there's an idea...)
(X) know where the best restrooms are on campus
(X) join an org
(X) allow yourself to make mistakes (but make sure you sort them out before you graduate)
(X) take summer classes
(X) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening (and if you’re lucky, you might just see a vision of Mama Mary – or so they say!)
(X) make a video for a project
(X) have a crush on a teacher
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat (a must for everyone)
( ) have gotten a parking ticket
(X) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes
(X) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones
(X) participate in school activities
(X) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts
(X) date an Atenean
(X) ride a tricycle on campus
(X) find a tambayan
(X) admire the marikina valley at night
(X) go drinking along Katipunan
(X) learn how to beg for a higher grade
(X) use your cuts wisely
(X) volunteer to be class beadle
(X) had the worst lottery schedule for reg
(X) admire the trees on campus
(X) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class
( ) eat in the ISO canteen
(X) be active in your org
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it
( ) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair
(X) learn how to cram (and still get A’s)
(X) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere
(X) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate’s notes
(X) have accidentally seen a make-out session
(X) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge
( ) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa
(X) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
(X) perfect the art of parking on campus
(X) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus
(X) develop a love for sisig
(X) learn how to pronounce “AEGIS” properly
( ) have used typing rooms at the library
(X) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries
(X) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella
(X) have used consultation hours properly
(X) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn’t break any equipment
(X) visit the Guidance Office
(X) and Infirmary

current music: Where the Streets Have No Name - U2

I used to kid around with 1st year high school seatmate Perci that "Life is all about acquiring the most important thing in life: BRAGGING RIGHTS!"

Today, I got a big windfall in that department. :p

Yesterday, it was the Arsenal victory. My team won and made history. I was happy.

But it didn't prepare me for today!

------

After spending the first part of post-practicum class with Tin and the other blockmates, I took to Sir DM's class. This morning, Sir DM started by asking me and Geopet "O, did you guys know if you won the Dean's Awards?" I found it weird he'd ask; he's on the darned judges' panel. I said "Sir, I don't know."

So he sends me out of the room to go and check! I walk alone (Geopet stayed inside) all the way to dela costa hall. I told the secretaries "I'm on an errand for Sir DM Reyes, about the winners of the Dean's Awards". They sat me down, then went in to tell Ma'am Angeli of me. They let me in her office, and it was only they they ask, "Wait, what's your name again?"

"Oh. Ako po si Raph Doval-Santos."

Their eyes suddenly widened! They yelled, "Ikaw pala si Doval-Santos! CONGRATULATIONS! You won! Poetry, di ba?"

I was stunned! Prayers answered right there!

I wanted to cry! Shit! To think I've wanted this for years, even before I shifted into freaking Creative Writing!! Surprise of my college life, talaga. I felt like somebody was filming me for "Wow Mali!" and I'd see Joey de Leon come out somewhere.

Wala. I'm happy. Congrats too to the others who won, (Jihan, Cerz for Drama, Ina for Dance, Jake and Crisel for Theater, Yael for Music, Arlo for Photography). I didn't see the whole list tho; bukas ko pa makikita daw.

I stepped outside and saw Jason, Edlyn and Cerz standing and chatting outside dela costa. I didn't wanna talk to them right then; UMIWAS TALAGA AKO, because I felt so darned emotional. Direstong Gonzaga chapel ako, not saying a word, only praying out my "Thank you's". :)

Pag-labas ko, nasalubong ko si Kimie. hehe. Una kong sinabihan ng balita si Kimie, right after I got out of the chapel. hahaha. I told her the truth; I fear that I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be a dream. hahaha. I asked her to keep it secret.

When I got upstairs again to Sir DM's class, he asked "O ba't ang tagal mo?" I explained ma'am angeli wanted to talk to me at around 9 am the next day. he smiled, and congratulated me. (and it turns out, he knew all along I made it. haha.) So much for secrets.

Meeting daw kami ng 9 AM. Full list of winners by then, plus short talk-talk in preparation for March 15 (official ceremony). Haay.

--------

Eto pa!

This afternoon, it rained. and I felt something good, despite the impending doom and gloom I felt about Philo 104 and Theo 141.

Jennic, my friend from LnK texted while I was in the jeep. And she congratulated me, "Raph congrats!" I didn't figure she'd know (or care) about Dean's Awards. so I ask "thanks... um, para saan?"

"Nag-LAE ka ba? ikaw ba si doval-santos, Jose Raphael?ü you passed, no interview."

I FUCKING MADE IT TO UP LAW! NO INTERVIEW!!!

I just got back from Malcolm Hall. no interview! Shit man. I am SMART! ü

(Ritz, I'm sorry if I might not see you at Rockwell. mas malapit sa bahay eh. :p)

It was just a partial list, so may iba pa silang dine-deliberate-an, i imagine. (yuck, ugly writing) funny, how my name was with those 'big shots' in school who darned do well in school, and I mean SERIOUSLY do well in school. So it's a nice feeling.

Do I wanna go? hmm. well, I'll see. Malay natin, baka di ako mag-graduate kasi sa Philo104 at Theo141! :p haha. wag naman. sayang ang shot kong maging-isko. :p

--------

looks like i owe lots of people lunch. :p

I will say this: poetry, law school are doots I wouldn't have been able to see, let alone walk through, if it weren't for YOU.

Thank you. :)

current music: The Ghetto (long version) - Donny Hathaway

Yeah, yeah. So I only post here once a month. Sorry for my having a life then! I just want to use this blog at times like this: when my imagination can't sit still, and I can't decide what to start on.

You see, right now (and I'm dedicating a new paragraph for this, if only to follow non-fic writing conventions), I'm supposed to be doing my homework. Yes, I know it's 12:05 in the morning. Blame me for having too much fun watching cartoons, a habit from childhood I've re-acquired, which is terrible. And add to that fact the massive downloads of episodes from The O.C. that my sister started and watches. eeeyah. Malabo na ang productive computer time, and since I watch The O.C. as well, sige. Nood naman si gago.

Housekeeping concerns:
1.) I have a meeting this Saturday for DWTL. yey.
2.) I have non-fic homework. lots and lots of backlog. waaaw. (but I like Ma'am Karla's class, so what the heck)
3.) I will return those library books of Rilke in two weeks. mmm. Rikle.
4.) Andami kong kailangang basahin para sa Theo at Philo. Sana hindi ako babagsak ng Th141. Puta.
5.) My head! I'm sick.

So let's see. Stories. I hate how my Dad always forces me to get to bed at 12 midnight. Just now he knocked on the door, and I hate how this PC has to face the door, so anybody using it will be vulnerable to attackers who enter the door. Fuck. I need to work. And this stuff I do is important to me.

Meantime, I have had a weird run of dreams lately. I guess cramming and staying up all night to wrap up a Philo 104 paper, and then rushing to class immediately after has taken its toll on my sleeping habits. I've a new personal best: I slept in ALL my classes! Philo, theo, other theo, missy, sir DM, and Ma'am Karla too. Shit. Fr. Nic na lang, at sweep na lahat ng kinukuhang subjects ko for this sem, my last sem.

In a sense, yeah. I feel the senior's syndrome. I can't help but feel sad that the network of friends, that empire of memories and pals and connections I've worked at for four years has to vanish AGAIN. I mean fine, I had something like that in High school, but that was so much smaller, and so much less practical to keep. Now I'm gonna start all over again, with very little to keep track of it all.

I feel like that guy who has to build a house of cards, and he's finished it, and then his friends want to play Puso'y Dos. He knows it'll be over. He takes pictures. But as soon as the whole thing falls down, he can't help but feel that his photos aren't enough to prove to himself that he did it. Gets?

Anyhow, I'm also excited. I wanna start "the rest of Raph's life" soon. Even if my health may prohibit that from being very long.

I think I really, really have to seriously start treating life like I won't last the night. Because on days I feel fine, my Dad, the doctor, acts like I'm gonna go. And when he thinks I'm okay, and lightens my rules, the bad stuff acts up again, and I'm feeling like I'm supposed to start writing out a will. Really. Right now, on the time I'm needing to be very busy and on-the-ball, I'm getting bouts of fever, and I'm dizzy and drowsy and shit.

Well now. If I'm gonna die soon, I hope it'll come quicker. I'm getting tired. Tired of waiting on people, tired of waiting for things to happen, tired of letting things happen by themselves, and tired of trying and trying and seeing so little back.

The way I see it, I should stay up every night! Because I'm gonna day anyway. I might as well keep the hours I really spent worthwhile. Like watch all the porn I want until I'm sick of it. Or write and write and revise and revise until I'm unable to lift the pen for another six months. Or I oughta start eating all the great food out there, or start tricking lovely girls into bed.

Thing is, I dodged that bullet once, a year and a month ago. I cheated death. Now, I think I oughta make the most of the extra lease.