current music: Untitled (How Does It Feel) - D'Angelo
Yes, it's high time I answer The Great "If You Call Me..." Survey!
If you call me "Raph":
you're my friend, a favorite teacher (and there are lots of you), part of my family and/or household, or I've just introduced myelf and have shaken your hand. You're about 78% of everybody I know, and you're special to me.
If you call me "Raphael":
you most likely read my name of a class list or attendance check list, or I've only seen you once and introduced myself as "Raphael".
If you call me "Ralph":
You can't quite pronounce "Raph" properly. Fine, it's okay.
If you STILL call me "Ralph":
I hate you. Very much so.
If you call me "Ralph" every now and then:
you must be trying to introduce me to a friend of yours and bungled it. That, or you're part of my Philo class (particularly, KC!).
If you call me "Raph, my friend" (or sometimes "Ralph, my friend"):
you're Dr. Leovino Garica.
If at the sight of me you go "Hey, Raph!" with a slight twang:
you're Mel! And you're cool.
If at the sight of me you go "Hey, Raph!" with a twang and you raise your hand in a strange handshake-like sign:
you're my best friend James, and you're the last one who remembers that handshake.
If at the sight of me you go "Raaaaaph!" and give me a hug:
you're Tine!
If you called me "Raffy" at one time or another:
you're one of Mom or Dad's friends. If not, I didn't like you very much. Odds are, I still don't.
If you called me "Papa Raph":
you're either Gillie from Days or Abu from Kaingin.
If you call me "Jose Raphael Federico Gan Doval Santos":
you're my birth certificate. Odds are, you're also my driver's licence, passport, school papers and insurance papers. You don't know me all that well.
There's also an outside shot you're Julian, making kulit. But Julian never gets my full name right.
If you call me "Mr. Doval-Santos" with a weak, somewhat faint voice:
you're Sir. D.M. Reyes or Sir Jonathan Chua, and I love your classes.
If you go "Hoy, Mister Doval-Santos" with an almost nasal quality to it:
you're Monix, and undoubtedly so.
If you go "Uy, Raph":
makali yung odds na ikaw si Fritz o si Bojit o si Mark, or any of my very trusted friends whom I've not talked to in a while.
If you called me "Ginoong Doval-Santos":
you must've been a Filipino teacher! Most likely you were Sir JoGon or Sir Morny de Guzman.
If you call me "Doval":
you must have met me back in grade school or high school. either a teacher or a classmate or batchmate. It's nice to see you again after all this time, too.
If you STILL INSIST on calling me "Doval" after some weeks have passed:
you've just GOT to be from high school. That's like, a handful of you.
If over the phone you still address me as "Doval":
you're Karen Manalastas, and I've not called you in a long while.
If you call me "Dovs":
you're problably Pol Carado (and I don't like you very much), or you're a Math blockmate and I like you a lot.
If on the phone you go "Oy, Dovs":
you're probably Emong.
If you call me "Dovski":
ah, you must be from Block W. You're either Pao, Jemjem or even Ryan.
If you call me "Duvie" (Y!M or otherwise) and like to either pinch my arm or hug me in embarrassing moments:
you're Mela. You're very makulit, endearing, funny and I miss ya!
If you called me "Dovar":
you're my confidant Pepper Relos and DAMMIT umuwi ka na sa Pinas!!
If you pronounce my name like "Rhaf" (with a slight silent H sound before the A):
you're Ma'am Sison, my English teacher from High School.
If you call me "Kuya Rap" while clambering up my back:
you're a kid from Kaingin. You're cute.
If you call me "Kuya Rap" and you jump on my back, giving me a slight shock of surprise and discomfort:
you must be Taruc! And yes, I've not been to area enough. Hehe.
IF you call me "Kuya Raf" and spell it like that too:
you're an LnK kid! You're my favorite kind of student, really. :)
If you call me "Jose":
you're the evil Dr. Torres from Pisay. I hate you very, very much.
If you called me "rakstar" the day I met you:
you're Kael. Tangina, rakstar ka!
If you call me "hvnspwn":
you must know me from forum or mail list I subscribe to. It's nice to meet you too.
If you call me as "hvnspwn" while trying to kill me:
you must have met me in BlueSkies years ago in a Counterstrike or Battlefield 1942 game. Yeah, the feeling's mutual.
If you all me "hvnspwn" and you're fighting the person I mentioned above:
you might have been my teammate back then. Hehe.
If you call me "Heaven_Spawn" in real life:
keep quiet. There are only about five of you, and I hold you very, very dear to me.
If you called me "an angel" at one point in time or another:
odds are you're Missy, Christa, Patch, Rach, Hi-C, Ailyn, or anybody I've helped out over the years. I love y'all.
If you called me "angel_spawn" and I corrected you:
You've just GOT to be Crisel.
If you just call me "Kuya":
you're somebody who isn't part of my family, but to me, you mean more than my 'real family' at times. You're either from LnK, Days or from Area.
If you called me "The Walking Tracy McGrady Shrine":
you're Jeb.
If you call me "Shaq":
you're my neighbors with whom I play basketball with. (And no, I don't play like Shaq. I'm not that good..)
It you call me "Direk":
you're Tita Teench.
If you call me "My Favorite Inaanak":
you're Ninang Clarise, and I love you very much.
If you called me "Snowman":
you must've been my classmates from 2nd year high picking on my white lab coat. I did not appreciate that very much.
If you called me "Mr. Santos":
you're a teacher whom I had to correct with my name. You're also likely somebody I'm talking to over an office counter (like, say, when I'm paying tuition) or when I'm explaining where I live when I order pizza.
If you called me "Bespren ng Lahat":
you're Mike Pineda, who wrote a write-up for me once in high school.
If you don't call out my name:
you're probably one of the following: an enemy who hates me, a friend who forgot my name but still smile at me in the halls, or you were talking to somebody at the time.
--------
I can't remember what the pseudonyms were for my workshop entries, so I can't enter those. :p
Monday, January 24, 2005
current music: Over and Over - Nelly
I posted this here before, but I want everybody to get to read this, at least once. =)
Your Feet
Pablo Neruda
When I cannot look at your face
I look at your feet.
Your feet of arched bone,
your hard little feet.
I know that they support you,
and that your sweet weight
rises upon them.
Your waist and your breasts,
the doubled purple
of your nipples,
the sockets of your eyes
that have just flown away,
your wide fruit mouth,
your red tresses,
my little tower.
But I love your feet
only because they walked
upon the earth and upon
the wind and upon the waters,
until they found me.
I posted this here before, but I want everybody to get to read this, at least once. =)
Your Feet
Pablo Neruda
When I cannot look at your face
I look at your feet.
Your feet of arched bone,
your hard little feet.
I know that they support you,
and that your sweet weight
rises upon them.
Your waist and your breasts,
the doubled purple
of your nipples,
the sockets of your eyes
that have just flown away,
your wide fruit mouth,
your red tresses,
my little tower.
But I love your feet
only because they walked
upon the earth and upon
the wind and upon the waters,
until they found me.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
current music: Mata - Mojofly
You scored as The Allmighty Tallest. You are the Allmighty Tallest! You rule over others, and you always get your way. SNACKS ROCK!
Which Invader Zim Charecter are You? created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, January 06, 2005
current music: Beautiful Day - U2
Know what? I actually had plans for today! Yeah, for today, my birthday, was supposed to be that day I always tell everybody I'm not doing anything specail.
It turns out that the project to drink some coffee and to help clean up the venue for the batch tomorrow (patay) got flushed down the toilet. The reasons were my returned coughing and my kid brother needing the car that afternoon.
And he said he'd commute! SO, I took my time to research, and I texted that he should go on ahead in a jeep. Walang reply. I go home at around 11:30 (which is already late for me). And yun pala, hindi pa siya umaalis nang bahay nung umuwi ako. Hence, I ended up playing into what he wanted.
Then Dad bans me from helping out in the batch today because of my cough. Bastard.
What a birthday.
-------
Some people texted in greetings. I'm happy.
Some people forgot. Shit.
Turning 21, as I thought, would be no fun.
--------
Bright sides: people are turning out to be nicer than I expected them to be.
No, they're not greeting me in the halls or saying "Happy Birthday". But they are taking time to talk to me, like I do for them.
Imagine! Naka-upo ako sa Pub nang buong hapon kahapon, 'tas isa-isa silang dumalaw, naki-upo, at nag-kwentuhan!
It was a welcome change. :) Beautiful, really.
Know what? I actually had plans for today! Yeah, for today, my birthday, was supposed to be that day I always tell everybody I'm not doing anything specail.
It turns out that the project to drink some coffee and to help clean up the venue for the batch tomorrow (patay) got flushed down the toilet. The reasons were my returned coughing and my kid brother needing the car that afternoon.
And he said he'd commute! SO, I took my time to research, and I texted that he should go on ahead in a jeep. Walang reply. I go home at around 11:30 (which is already late for me). And yun pala, hindi pa siya umaalis nang bahay nung umuwi ako. Hence, I ended up playing into what he wanted.
Then Dad bans me from helping out in the batch today because of my cough. Bastard.
What a birthday.
-------
Some people texted in greetings. I'm happy.
Some people forgot. Shit.
Turning 21, as I thought, would be no fun.
--------
Bright sides: people are turning out to be nicer than I expected them to be.
No, they're not greeting me in the halls or saying "Happy Birthday". But they are taking time to talk to me, like I do for them.
Imagine! Naka-upo ako sa Pub nang buong hapon kahapon, 'tas isa-isa silang dumalaw, naki-upo, at nag-kwentuhan!
It was a welcome change. :) Beautiful, really.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
current music: Canto Alla Vita - Josh Groban
Yes, on the first week of 2K-nickel, it's begun to dawn to me.
I've lost the life I once led.
Once upon a time, I had things pretty nicely in place. I was a sophomore, member of Kaingin, Heights and AMS. I was a Math major who wasn't like any other Math major. I made lots of friends, and people would slap hands or wave when I passed by. When I'd introduce myself to total stangers in school, I'd be surprised when they'd say they had seen me before. I grew very skilled in schmoozing with the higher-ups of the school, and won praise for a lot of the things I did.
I credit this mostly to TnT. Apparently, people remembered me best there. And yes, I loved being part of Ateneo's "most amazing people". I loved the work there. In fact, it was the only kind of work I wanted to be doing the very first day I made it to Ateneo. I wanted to be a TnT, and I pursued the dream, and voila! I was one. I learned to chase a dream then, and I learned that they do come true.
Today, I'm a ghost. I avoid social situations. I don't like being seen by others. You will hardly find a smile on my face. I am no longer affiliated with any of the organizations I mentioned above. I left AMS because I no longer hung out at the ASG, and I've learned to despise how Kaingin's party politics ignored the work I've put into that org for two years.
And don't get me started with what happened in that God-dammed ivory tower called Heights. It was the only org of the three I really, REALLY wanted to keep, and fresh from a nomination to the Editorial Board, they fire me.
I love the Heights people to bits and they're some of my dearest friends, but I'm learning to avoid what they've become (or more accurately, what I fear I'm watching them become into: another more educated, sophisticated and snobbish version of Kaingin).
So yeah. It appears to me, while doing my translation writing exercises that the people of DWTL are the only "org" I work for. It appears that all this time throughout Junior year and all the changes and things I've lost, I've gained so much time to give to A-Days. I've staffed full-time for two batches, and I've headed a committee for the most recent one. If I'm not doing anything directly school related (which includes my directing class) or if I'm not doing something with the LnK'ers (like preparing Perry's birthday, or attending Carla's dinner bash), I'm spending time with the Dayzers. I'm working with them for a batch, or playing ball with them, or having lunch or whatever. Mostly, it's work, and I like it like that. I like having work to do, you see,
The rules say I can't tell you what I do, what we all do during these batches and what we give to others. That, you have to see for yourself. But that's another story.
This work ethic, combined with what I call "kamikaze work ethic" has not been kind to me. The stress has slowed me down greatly, and I've recently been hospitalized. Fresh out of the hospital, I still had work to do for the batch, and hence, my recovery had been very superficial. It took a whole Christmas break to get better, but then, there's work left unfinished.
I love the work, but I'm not feeling very good about what the work's left me: sick and pretty much alone.
I gave up things for A-Days. I gave up a lot of my free time, I gave up time studying to make meetings and practice for music. I sacrificed a shot to be a TnT a second year in a row so I could wrap up my work for a batch. Sure, I was still their friend, but I felt like I lost the right to be one of them. It sucked.
Now, I'm lost somewhat. While I love the Dayzers to bits, and that they're slowly becoming a family I don't have here at home, in school, I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm a shiftee; I don't have a block. My close friends all have lives of their own (LnK, former blockmates and even my bestest friends James and Fritz come to mind).
I don't usually think about belonging. I learned early in life that I was very different from everybody. I learned to live by myself. I'm like what my father says "truly one of males in the animal kingdom", as it's the males who live alone, and the females and children who live in packs. In essence, living alone isn't stange to me, and I take a strange pride in knowing that I work on my own terms. The problem is, everybody doesn't want to be alone forever.
I'm also very careful of who I trust. I've also come to realize that I live a life that very often forces me to make friends and then move on very suddenly, or that the friends I make have to move on too. I've got a handful of very loyal and loving friends, and I've got oodles and oodles of buddies I love to bits, but I find that I confide to only a very select few. I don't open up very easily (unless it's on printed media and I can control what others see). I don't make friends for keeps all that well, and the people I love often don't try or want look after me as much as I try or want to look after them.
Tomorrow, school starts. I'll most likely roam the corridors and encounter hundreds and hundreds of stangers. I'll see classmates again, who have their own little cliques that I've honestly no taste to be part of. I'll likely hit the library to get some stuff done for my classes that I did not get to all do over the break. I'll eat lunch on my own. I'll walk around the shops of Katips on my own. I'll run into some friends, talk to them, tell them stuff and have a blast, at least, until they have to go off and do things for themselves too. I'll do this from 7:30 AM when I get to school, and keep it up for 12 hours as I'll go home at 7:30 PM.
I don't know what I've got. I just know that when school starts tomorrow, if this keeps up I don't think I'll make it.
Lord, I beg you. Send me an angel or something. I hate being alone.
Yes, on the first week of 2K-nickel, it's begun to dawn to me.
I've lost the life I once led.
Once upon a time, I had things pretty nicely in place. I was a sophomore, member of Kaingin, Heights and AMS. I was a Math major who wasn't like any other Math major. I made lots of friends, and people would slap hands or wave when I passed by. When I'd introduce myself to total stangers in school, I'd be surprised when they'd say they had seen me before. I grew very skilled in schmoozing with the higher-ups of the school, and won praise for a lot of the things I did.
I credit this mostly to TnT. Apparently, people remembered me best there. And yes, I loved being part of Ateneo's "most amazing people". I loved the work there. In fact, it was the only kind of work I wanted to be doing the very first day I made it to Ateneo. I wanted to be a TnT, and I pursued the dream, and voila! I was one. I learned to chase a dream then, and I learned that they do come true.
Today, I'm a ghost. I avoid social situations. I don't like being seen by others. You will hardly find a smile on my face. I am no longer affiliated with any of the organizations I mentioned above. I left AMS because I no longer hung out at the ASG, and I've learned to despise how Kaingin's party politics ignored the work I've put into that org for two years.
And don't get me started with what happened in that God-dammed ivory tower called Heights. It was the only org of the three I really, REALLY wanted to keep, and fresh from a nomination to the Editorial Board, they fire me.
I love the Heights people to bits and they're some of my dearest friends, but I'm learning to avoid what they've become (or more accurately, what I fear I'm watching them become into: another more educated, sophisticated and snobbish version of Kaingin).
So yeah. It appears to me, while doing my translation writing exercises that the people of DWTL are the only "org" I work for. It appears that all this time throughout Junior year and all the changes and things I've lost, I've gained so much time to give to A-Days. I've staffed full-time for two batches, and I've headed a committee for the most recent one. If I'm not doing anything directly school related (which includes my directing class) or if I'm not doing something with the LnK'ers (like preparing Perry's birthday, or attending Carla's dinner bash), I'm spending time with the Dayzers. I'm working with them for a batch, or playing ball with them, or having lunch or whatever. Mostly, it's work, and I like it like that. I like having work to do, you see,
The rules say I can't tell you what I do, what we all do during these batches and what we give to others. That, you have to see for yourself. But that's another story.
This work ethic, combined with what I call "kamikaze work ethic" has not been kind to me. The stress has slowed me down greatly, and I've recently been hospitalized. Fresh out of the hospital, I still had work to do for the batch, and hence, my recovery had been very superficial. It took a whole Christmas break to get better, but then, there's work left unfinished.
I love the work, but I'm not feeling very good about what the work's left me: sick and pretty much alone.
I gave up things for A-Days. I gave up a lot of my free time, I gave up time studying to make meetings and practice for music. I sacrificed a shot to be a TnT a second year in a row so I could wrap up my work for a batch. Sure, I was still their friend, but I felt like I lost the right to be one of them. It sucked.
Now, I'm lost somewhat. While I love the Dayzers to bits, and that they're slowly becoming a family I don't have here at home, in school, I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm a shiftee; I don't have a block. My close friends all have lives of their own (LnK, former blockmates and even my bestest friends James and Fritz come to mind).
I don't usually think about belonging. I learned early in life that I was very different from everybody. I learned to live by myself. I'm like what my father says "truly one of males in the animal kingdom", as it's the males who live alone, and the females and children who live in packs. In essence, living alone isn't stange to me, and I take a strange pride in knowing that I work on my own terms. The problem is, everybody doesn't want to be alone forever.
I'm also very careful of who I trust. I've also come to realize that I live a life that very often forces me to make friends and then move on very suddenly, or that the friends I make have to move on too. I've got a handful of very loyal and loving friends, and I've got oodles and oodles of buddies I love to bits, but I find that I confide to only a very select few. I don't open up very easily (unless it's on printed media and I can control what others see). I don't make friends for keeps all that well, and the people I love often don't try or want look after me as much as I try or want to look after them.
Tomorrow, school starts. I'll most likely roam the corridors and encounter hundreds and hundreds of stangers. I'll see classmates again, who have their own little cliques that I've honestly no taste to be part of. I'll likely hit the library to get some stuff done for my classes that I did not get to all do over the break. I'll eat lunch on my own. I'll walk around the shops of Katips on my own. I'll run into some friends, talk to them, tell them stuff and have a blast, at least, until they have to go off and do things for themselves too. I'll do this from 7:30 AM when I get to school, and keep it up for 12 hours as I'll go home at 7:30 PM.
I don't know what I've got. I just know that when school starts tomorrow, if this keeps up I don't think I'll make it.
Lord, I beg you. Send me an angel or something. I hate being alone.
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