The Fifth Summer.

About last week or so, Arisa, one of this year's new tutors of LnK, was asking me to stay around one more year. After all, it'll be LnK's 25th anniv come 2006, and it'd be my sixth consecutive year there should I stick around. That'd be an unprecedented feat, considering how many of us leave within their first three years, and how most of them leave because they never get "elected into execom", or worse, that "their friends left na rin". And I know what that feels like :D.

As tempting as Arisa's offer stands, I look to the future. The last of my peers who stuck around, Angel, shall soon step down as Chair by the end of the year. Migs Balma, Chreesy, Honeypie, Tara and Perry are all stepping up to the plate to lead. The new Claret boys gang are all growing into legitimate kuyas for the kids. The new Miriam contingent is as strong as ever, and with Issa's kid brother Migs recruiting, there's also a whole lot more people from the PAREF system teaching.

And where will I be, if I stay? I belong to no 'faction', nor will my leadership be greatly missed for there are others. There are also more than enough able bodies to fill out classes by next summer. (unless something goes terribly wrong).

So sige. Tomorrow, barring any strange events come next summer, shall be my very, very, VERY last day of LnK. Especially since Jess comes first, and that I can't make my last Tutors' Outing on Saturday. :(

Tomorrow, there will be no fanfare, no "Lifetime Achievement Awards" jokes, no lights nor magic, no teary eyes. It'd be a graduation of my last 9 kids (arguably the ones I've taken the best care of ever), a short party for the grad, and tutors' night. And when it's over, bahala na. I may still help out teach the UPCAT reviews, but that'd be it. After that, well... fate and Jess will decide.

[Oddly enough, there is word that tomorrow somebody from the Philippine Star will be on hand to cover their graduation. Hehe. Funny how there's this sudden interest in our group now that many of my friends, peers, and well, me are all on their way out.]

It's been a good run. If anything, the greatest achievement this summer is that all 9 of my kids have recieved full scholarship benefits for their final schoolyear in high school. Proud ako. ü

Never no mind that they shan't elect me into execom next summer. I'd be nice, but if they don't, then I'd have no reason to stay anymore. Ate JenTan always said that we come back year by year, because, in light of the big picture, the kids need us. But now, I realize maybe it won't necessarily be me that they'll be needing anytime soon.

I'll miss it dearly. It was the place where dreams came true (some, literally!). I've met more friends there in the past five summers than I ever have in my entire time in high school and college, and a lot of the closest confidants I keep are found there.

I'll miss waking up early to make it in time for class. I'll miss staying up late to write out exams for the kids. I'll miss the tambay times in friends' houses, or the massive impromptu parties at my pad. I'll miss having to defend my committment to tutor the kids before my parents. I'll miss the lunches out, the movies watched together, the birthdays in Mang Jimmy's and the debuts in posh places here and there. And most of all, I'll miss the quiet knowing that what I do, somehow, adds up to the future of somebody other than myself, somebody I probably may never see again, but somebody whose life, hopefully, I'd have made better.

If I wasn't part of LnK, maybe (or most certainly) I'd never have been a Dayzer, I'd never have the heart to shift out, or that I'd lead summers like many of those rich kids wasting money on the beach or long-distance trips abroad. And that's precisely what I'm trained not to do: waste money, not in how my family's been doing this far. And besides, A-Days keeps me busy too, among other things. And while I serve one master in both pursuits, somehow, it's as though He wants me to pick one way to serve Him. And somehow, LnK ain't it anymore.

Hence, my departure. With my kid sister and younger brother still doing the college thing, I have to get a job when I'm out of school. (haha. sounds like a prison story.) And I realize I'm not wont to do the Law School/MBA/Masters/Med School thing, since that's exactly what I shouldn't be doing: I need to find work, dammit!

I need to either find marketable skills, or actually do something "worthwhile" that can help me get them skills. I have to leave the chalk, red ink and eraser behind, and look for something else that can give me something to wake up for.

I have to go, when I personally feel I'm not ready to leave yet. Not yet.