current music: the Samurai X soundtrack song "1/3".

Yep. Pessimist Raph is checking in once more.

I have a very sinking feeling (now that I'm sick again) that I really won't last very long on this planet. Which isn't so bad. I just wish that I could finish that book before it all wraps up.

It's kinda simple. There's this character (a guy, for my initial draft) who passes away. And he leaves, in his will, a whole buttload of letters that need to be delivered to different people, all who are not really connected to each other. They all only have one thing in common: dead guy knew all of them, at one point or another in his life. It's anybody - the girl he first had sex with, the classmate who beat him up once, the woman he never quite forgave for breaking his heart, that best friend who was always there, the person who he never quite liked but left him some great insight, anybody. His parents get letters too. And people don't get just one; some are special and get several. And each letter is sort of "time-released", like, you couldn't open your second letter until after 2 years you read the first. Like, he was still pulling strings even when he was gone.

And so my story goes. The story will be shown by nothing but the letters he left, and in those passages you see what dead guy was like. In my drafts, many of those letters were based (and addressed) to real people I met, from different points of my existence.

And ironically that I'm writing this 'novel' as I myself contemplate how short life is and all that. But I dunno. I don't really feel it'll be a hit or whatever. The point will be that people will read it, but un nga, maybe when I'm already gone. That'll be years from now, hopefully. And that 'novel' will be my farewell to the people I wouldn't quite get to say goodbye to.

I dunno. The stinking part of my situation is how Law School chews up a lot of my free time. If it's not by directly diverting my time, it's how the pressure makes it harder to be creative, or honest in my writing. Right now, I'm typing this and this is actually as 'naked' as I get personally, in my blogs. I'm not like this in my LJ or my Multiply, if only because I think fewer people read this one.

And that's the thing. I secretly dream that somehow, people I love read this. Because I've no other way.