As of this moment (and for most of the afternoon really) there's this bit of me that is very happy that I am slow, dense and un-perceptive. I'm glad I'm not reckless. I'm delighted that I sabotage my own affairs. I'm happy that I'm not a "catch", and those who think I am don't pick up.

I'm terrified too.

Because in a very realy way, it might have been me ending up doing the hurting. And I'm terrified, that if, (AND A BIG IF IT IS) things keep up the way I feel it would go... I will.

Whatever. Forget I said anything.