Pananatili

current music: Pananatili - Hangad

Maybe some of you don’t believe in God. Maybe it’s a greater comfort to feel that the world is just happenstance, just random firings of nature’s laws and physics and human error all rolled into a mess.
I’d feel that way too.

But today, at a day when I wanted, so badly, to walk away from something (someone?) that just does not give, that just wounds my pride, and just fills me with despair and frustration, I went to church. I wanted to find some release. I wanted to feel that feeling where “Yes, I am doing this. I’m letting this go. If I can’t be a priority, then I should make my own priorities follow suit. If I can’t be loved, I should just leave and be done with it.”

Then I hear it, the familiar strains of the song, entreating me to stay:

Huwag mong naising lisanin kita;
Wala ‘kong hangaring ika’y mag-isa.
Sa’n man magtungo, ako’y sasabay,
Magkabalikat sa paglalakbay.
Mananahan sa tahanang sisilong sa ‘yo,
Yayakapin ang landasin at bayan mo.
Poon mo ay aking ipagbubunyi

At iibigin nang buong sarili.
Sa’n man abutin ng paghahanap,
Ikaw at ako’y magkasamang ganap.

Ipahintulot nawa ng Panginoon:
Ni kamataya’y maglalaho, anino ng kahapon.

Dahil pag-ibig ang alay sa ‘yo, mananatili ako.
H’wag nang naising tayo’y mawalay,
H’wag nang isiping
Magwawakas
ang paglalakbay.

Huwag mong naising lisanin kita;
Wala ‘kong hangaring ika’y mag-isa.
Sa’n man magtungo, ako’y sasabay,
Magkabalikat sa paglalakbay.

I wanna cry. I feel confused and troubled. “Lord, where are you taking me?” I want to ask.