- I've been looking for work. I want a job that both pays well and will fit in my greater career plan. I thought I found that spot, but they turned me down. Now I'm looking still. It's not easy. It eats away at my self-confidence the longer it lasts.
- I'm in debt and I can't find work. I'm still just grateful my family are patient with me, though I know I feel the strain my situation causes.
- I've been trying to get fit. That part is working at least. As of today I lost about 50 lbs. I need to keep going. At the very least, I'm making progress on that front. If only I can get paid to stay fit, or if there were a program that gives you money the more weight you lose. I used to lose weight quickly but I'm grinding away at the plateau. Hopefully I can be healthier and stronger.
- My grad studies are stalled and I don't feel confident enough to start the process to fix things. It's been so long since I left my papers alone, and I need somebody to help me pick it all up again. Except in grad school, like many things in life, you are alone. You need to learn to work without the safety of groups. Ironic, since most of the work grad school asked me to do involved lots of groups. Then when it's time for greater reckoning, you're alone and got to fend for yourself, or even compete with the others you were working with.
- I went out on a date last Monday. There was music, and dancing, and nice drinks, and nice food, and the new friend I made helped cover the costs! It was perfect. Except for the fact that I didn't quite like my company. I'm not attracted to her, and yet she's drawn to me for whatever reason. I suppose this is what it's like for every other girl I liked - there's this nice guy who they just can't find the attraction for.
- The girl I'm actually attracted to, I don't know what to do. I still want to make things work, but I still want to fix the rest of my life. Like, if I can be strong enough to stand by her and her life's many complications. She's really busy though, and that somehow buys me time, but I know I need to muster the strength to push forward, or to walk away.
- But when I ask people what they think, they tell me that sometimes it's not about being the answer to all the questions. It's about finding the value within. It's as though I should be enough just the way I am, and I should know that feeling innately in me. And I can't do that. Not yet. I still actually feel dissatisfied with myself.
- So I continue. It's hard. I want to keep my heart full of hope. But there's not an awful lot of reason to hope right now.
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