current music: Jazzy Monday - Artstrong on MTV

My LJ is down, so I'm doing my first post of the day here for a change.

Anybody know the movie "The New Guy"? I watched that on HBO last night. I rediscovered how much I loved that film and how I'm challenged to do good like the main hero did. Hehehe.

Yes, yes. I did not go to school today in spite of there being classes. Primary reason was because the heavy rains and resultant traffic deterred Dad, Roel and myself from getting to school. It was reminiscent of the afternoon Julian and I got lost looking for a shortcut amid the rain and the traffic. Back then, Katipunan road turned into a veritable parking lot. Today was no different.

I wonder what they did in class...

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Meantime, I'm chilling at home. Dad offered me to go to the gym for a while, but I declined. I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm watching MTV and Entertainment Tonight here to chill my head.

Darn. Sarah Meier is so cute. Hehe. But then again, I'm half-wishing I get to catch Bellefire on TV again. Those girls are hot too.

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Speaking of girls, I found a long-lost notebook of poems from way back in high school. Therein, I found somebody's telephone number I had thought I lost.

Yes, if you've been following my posts regularly, you'd know she's a major influence in my poetry. I don't know if my time in Heights and the Heights Workshop has purged that influence and I'm unsure whether or not that's important.

There are memories that keep coming back. With them comes attached a sense of foreboding.
After all, the nature of our friendship was that of listening to her problems with me worrying my heart out for her. A prelude to my current "girls' emotional punching bag" profession, if you will.

The quickest way you can make me give a rat's ass about you is to make me worry about you. The more sleep I lose thinking about you, the more I learn to care. It so happened that this little angel was all that (think "scary, at times pessimisstic thoughts running through her head" ). Not only was there this emotional attachment, I found it amazing that she was smart, sweet and really pretty (for a poet hehehe). After all, I knew many in the high school student body had the hots for her, and it didn't hurt she helped me write, either.

To think that many things I presently am can offshoot from things she's told me would be melodramatic. I'll just say she's an influence, a very powerful one at that.

I still care about her, and I miss her dearly, but am unwilling to make any calls to her house anytime soon. Why? It's complicated. There's a question in Tagalog I hate, hate hearing but it's what I have to ask now: "Ano ba gusto kong mangyari?" What do I want to happen with calling her? Get back in touch? I may care profoundly about her, but I'm not what she needs.

Besides, I often find there's litte good in repairing a broken past when there's a hope for the future right in front of me. There's Days, there's my (hopeful) literary career, there's a shot at taking my MA abroad, there's my family, there's Kuya Jess, there's my friends and so many blessings.

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Speaking of which, I'm writing something for a very dear friend (also unbelievably blessed) , hopefully to be finished by next week.

Won't elaborate further, because I never know. I won't post that poem until further notice.