Current music: Sinatra, again. "Under My Skin". yep. that one. again.:p [sinatra helps when you're chasing away blues]

Current "astig 'to!" movie of the week: Love, Actually.
HOTNESS! Watch! (yes, Pie, I know you didn't get it. that's ok.)

Mom, I love you. Salamat po sa chocolate drink. :)

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Astig kaninang KFC. May nakita kami nina Paeng at Eric ng isang girl habang hinihintay matapos kumain si Eric. As she entered, the guys noticed my eyes trail to a figure behind them. I also seemed unusually more quiet. Then I started to blow my fingers and shake them. Yes, that's right. THe Universal "LnK Sign Language" for "HOT HOT HOT!" hehehe! :D How'd she look? M3 siya: Miss Manalo Material! hwahahaha!

Eh alam nyo naman yung Miss Manalo criteria ko di ba? Long, dark, straight hair, almond eyes and a pretty voice...and she also cut quite a figure too. yeah. that's right. :) I don't know who the girl was, and since she had a guy for company (Who didn't look like her boyfriend. hmmm!), I didn't feel a need to ask. But just being there... well, she made our day a bit more special than 'just another kfc lunch-out'. ü

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Ok, so it's finally settling in. HINDI AKO TNT. Grrr. The angst of losing the job I loved so dearly is starting to settle and sink in my system. It's hard, particularly because I read people's blogs that they made it, that I'm asked "oy, kumusta interview?" or "kailan training?"

I'm not mad at you guys. No, I'm in fact flattered that you'd all think I'm a TnT again... it implies I'm some kind of "shoo-in" that they'd want as a TnT.

Truth is, I just missed my interview. Simple as that. Carly did text me, but the text was garbled. The only part you can read was the last half, saying "come 15 mins before the time, Good luck! Chuga on!", her name and stuff like that. Nothing about the change of venue. So when I showed up tired and ragged from the basketball game with my loincloth superhero costume in the SocSci building with nobody there, I thought it was postponed. But no. moved pala yung venue. Shet.

And to think I really wanted to TnT for Balma's batch. I was excited that maybe once I would get to solo. That I'd take over Missy's job of teaching Mafia, the ultimate GD. That I'd get to keep my promise and dance with Rache in the next TnT party, or that I'd get to watch the next OrSem movie. That I'd get to welcome the future of the school I love with a smile in spite of the fact that I'd yell myself hoarse over a span of 3 days.

Well, what kind of TnT would I be if I couldn't adapt to changes like that moving of the venue? And since when did we ever alter our standards, our rules, eh? I missed the 2nd interview by a clear 10 minutes. Bawal na. I'm touched that when I was speaking to Joboy, I felt he was almost willing to fight for my case. The thing was I don't want anybody doing that for me. Malas na. I don't want the shame of taking the back door, exceptional TnT I may be or not. The ball dropped from my hands for a reason.

Hopefully I'll find it out soon. Please Lord. Please lang.

My current hypothesis? That I'd get to preserve my speaking voice for A-Days. :) [para maka-iwas naman ako sa "TnT throat", the after-orsem voice loss.] :p Or maybe it'll be for that "job", whatever it is.

Perhaps the true thing that bugs me is that I never got to gauge how great my skill at being OrSem TnT was. They told me last year "Ok ka". But my work was good because Missy was my partner. I didn't know how good I was on my own. I didn't even know why I got to steal being Missy's partner from everybody. Why me? Hence, I didn't want to believe that I was as good as they hyped until I could do it again, for one more year.

Now, I've lost that chance to know if I really was as good as they claim. Shet.

Oh well. There's next year. And since I'll be studying for five years... the year after! :)